Bad News

There isn't going to be a baby this time, either. My number went down to 10, rather than doubling. They call this a chemical pregnancy, where it begins to implant enough to secrete the HCG that makes positive tests, but doesn't develop after that.

I can't believe I am now someone who has to mark 2 miscarriages on doctor paperwork. How did I get here?

Confusing News

My bloodwork came back positive. However, it's a little iffy. While the "yes/no" portion of the test technically says "yes," it's more of a "pretty much." My progesterone is low, and that's what helps sustain a pregnancy. Also, my HCG is only 50. Today is technically 6 days after my missed period. They want the number to be in the neighborhood of 50 on THAT (missed period) day, and then double every 2-3 days after it. But it could have implanted late or something like that. They called in a progesterone prescription for me that I'm taking every 8 hours. However, tonight I started spotting. I called the nurse and she said that it happens in lots of early pregnancies. But my only experience is a bad one, so it wasn't very reassuring. But what she also said that hit hard was that honestly, they can't keep me from losing it. They can beef up my body with meds, but my body has to do the work. I'm so scared. I go back Monday for more bloodwork.

Still There

This morning's was positive, so I emailed my nurse at Shady Grove and told her. She told me to come in for monitoring so they could make sure it's progressing nicely. (Just a hunch - I'm on their patient roster, so I would count as a success for them even though they had nothing to do with it?) I go Friday for bloodwork.

Can I just say, that this is NOTHING like the last time. I have spent the last 24 hours in complete and sheer terror. This isn't fun. Not at all. Every time I go to the bathroom I have to breathe deeply and try to mellow out my brain, because I'm scared of something happening. I wonder if that ever goes away.

Holy Crap

Saturday was day 28 and I wasn't even spotting, so I tested. It was negative. I'm not always a 28 day cycle person, but that's kind of my rule.

Over the weekend, I continued to show no signs of spotting.

Yesterday, my boobs started to hurt badly. Today I had to go to the bathroom a thousand times (give or take.) I checked in the drawer and had another test, so I tried on a whim.

And it is POSITIVE. Holy crap and a half. It's light, but it's there.