First OB Appointment

One more step today on the road to becoming a regular pregnant person. We had the intake appointment at the regular OB office. This is the office I visit for all of my regular things and I have been through an early pregnancy and miscarriage with them, so I was not expecting to leave there feeling like crap. But I did.

The office has both midwives and doctors that are available for the OB journey. Due to all my other issues, I choose the doctor route. A good friend of mine has used the midwives twice and had good experiences, and if pregnancy was the only thing going on in my body maybe that's what I would do. But alas, I feel the doctors are the path for me. However, a Dr's (billable) time is more valuable, so a midwife does the intake appointment. I have met a couple in the past and it's been fine. But I left feeling really deflated due to comments she made.

Very early on, she made a comment about religion and IVF. I know in my rational brain that she was certifying that I wouldn't refuse a blood transfusion or anything like that due to religious beliefs, but it sat with me the wrong way and came out sounding very anti-IVF. She also made a comment about how if I can survive a kidney stone, I could do labor on my own which came out very judgmental of those who choose drugs. And while I know it's a doctor's job to be pro nursing and anti formula, I thought it was a little premature to deal with that lecture too. While I know that it's best, I know what it's like to live with fibromyalgia. And I know that lack of REM sleep makes me completely useless to the universe. So I am going to have to see how it plays out. If there's a way to let me sleep 4 hours instead of 2, and keep me able to function, then I might have to take it.

One of the most painful things is that she was very flippant about my chemical pregnancy. That is one of my biggest anger triggers. In fact I just had a phone conversation with my mother that triggered me too. My mother's issue is that she had never heard the term before. So what? So that makes it not real? I knew I was pregnant for 6 days. A blood test at the doctor's office confirmed it. Then a second blood test showed lowering numbers instead of doubling numbers, confirming that my body was going to fight it and not let it continue. How is that not real? Sure, I never saw the baby on an ultrasound like I did with the first and third pregnancies, but it was still real. It's still a baby that we don't have. Anyway, so the midwife asked how I knew that I had a CP or was it possible that I was just late with my cycle. Seriously? Like I'm going to make that up in a 35 month journey to attempt pregnancy? Sigh.

Finally, she was completely non bothered by my continuted SCH spotting. I was hoping that they'd want to check the size to make sure it was still small, since I have had red a couple times since the u/s that showed it was almost gone. She said I could honestly spot for a long, long, time. But my research has shown me that the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it could possibly turn out to be. She said I didn't have to follow the red=bed rule that S.G. suggested. The docs there said we want to avoid red at all costs and to listen to my body, figure out what causes it, and don't do those things. Midwife just kept saying "We can't prevent it. If your body is going to miscarry, it's going to miscarry." I told her that for my mental state, I really wanted to make it to tomorrow (which is now today) because that was my milestone date for my first loss. Her response was "Well, I tell people they can't really stop worrying until 12 weeks." What? Way to rain on my parade, lady.

So yeah, I left deflated.