Last Pill

We're at a wedding out of town tonight. It's last pill day! Of course it was after the wedding, after the unpacking the cars of gifts, after trudging to the bar down the street to act like I'm still enjoying being around drunk people while my feet hurt, and after cramming into a booth with way too many people and being asked "WANNA DO A SHOT?!?!?!" that I realized it was 11:30pm and I had forgotten to take my pill. So I trudged back to the hotel room and took it...and now I'm sitting here thinking I just can't walk back and keep going. I'm too tired, my feet hurt, and I have to drive a long way in just a few hours for bloodwork. The depression part of this cycle is kicking in. The extra week of pills is always the worst because that's when your period is being suppressed. (The 4th week of active pills - because I skip the placebos and go to a 2nd pack of active pills). I'm achy, cranky, and generally feeling gross. On top of that, I was just at a 11 hour wedding and almost everyone else is really, really drunk. I'm tired of being told by a perky husband "Oh! It's for a good reason! Yay!" I just need it to be ok that I hate this. Of course I'll do it. Of course it's worth it in the end if it works. But I don't have to like the situation. I think not being at all the appointments is putting a little more distance between his brain and the reality of the situation. Plus, he generally is super positive and so he's just thinking "oh, everything went wrong and we still got a kid! So this time things will just go right and we'll still get a kid!" So many people I work with are in the IVF club and struggled for the sibling so I'm just scared it won't be that easy. Regardless of success the first time, there's still only a 40% chance of this working, which is scary. And those are all the things I'm thinking about in this hotel room.

Medicine Arrival

The giant box of medicine came today. I forgot it needed to be signed for. Last time we made sure it would come on a Monday, but this time due to shipping and approval dates and all kinds of random red tape, they couldn't wait to ship it for Monday arrival. It does come in a nondescript (huge) box and doesn't say "FERTILITY MEDICINE" or anything, but I still don't like to have things delivered to my school because of our weird UPS delivery times. So I had it sent to hubby's work because he has a secretary and there's always someone there to sign.

It's a depressing package. All those bottles of medicine, and all those NEEDLES. Knowing I have to do this and KNOWING I have to do this are two different things. Unpacking that box makes me sick to my stomach. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Notarizing

So one of the biggest problems I've had with going to appointments by myself is that I forget that things have to happen in between appointments. For example, last time we cycled, we signed all the consent forms right there at the IVF talk. This time I had a folder and they mentioned needing the forms notarized if we can't both be there to sign them. I remember saying that wouldn't be a problem because my best friend is a notary, but then promptly forgot them.

Fast forward to Friday when I got a panicked phone call reminding me that we needed those forms by Monday to start our cycle. Luckily it was early enough that I could ask my friend to bring home her stuff and she could do it for us today. This is the kind of thing that I'm finding is slipping through the cracks and is driving me crazy.

But luckily it's all good now.

Massage

This was the part of my pre-cycle that I was looking forward to the most. Hot stone massage day! If this cycle works, I won't be able to do it for a long time, and I had a gift card from Christmas. Sadly, it wasn't as good as the others I have had. It was still good, just not what I was dreaming of. But I guess that's better than no massage at all!

Even though it wasn't what I was dreaming of, it still is totally the best step of the cycle. ;)

Start Pills

Today was the first pill of 26 or 27...taking them to get me until June when we can start the meds. Happy Cinco de Mayo?