Thankfully, this story ends with "and then it was all OK and we went home."
Yesterday for the first time I had extreme discomfort at the same time I had increased bleeding. It continued into today, so I called and gave them an update and they asked to see me. (Luckily they asked to see me in the office, not the ER!) The nurse listened to the heartbeat and was ready to send me on my way. I finally put my foot down and was insistant. I told her that I didn't just call the doctor when I had a question or problem just so that I could get a heartbeat listen. Maybe some people do that, but that's not what I wanted. I kept explaining what was different about this time and why I called, because I don't call every time I bleed. (I'd need a constant open line for that!)
She decided to call in a midwife to check my cervical length just to make sure that wasn't the problem. The second the midwife peeked, her face turned white. (Bad poker face, lady!) She said there was something coming out of my cervix that concerned her. I said OUT OF MY CERVIX? She said it could be a polyp, but that she's never seen a polyp that size so that it could be baby. I said but we just heard the heartbeat! She said she knew, but this was important enough to get the doctor out of L&D downstairs.
So then I spent 20 minutes partially covered by a piece of paper, shivering and shuddering from stress. Thank goodness my husband was there. The midwife kept coming in to check on us with her "I'm sorry I caused this panic state, but I have no words to say to make you feel better because I don't have a good feeling about this" face.
When the doctor came up, he got filled in on the situation and looked and determined that it is indeed a polyp. Woohoo! The midwife let out the biggest sigh of relief I've ever seen from a medical person. So then I had a thousand questions, all of which were pretty much answered with "we don't know." He didn't say it was going to cause a huge problem, he said it could shrink, grow, or fall off, but that they cause bleeding in the instances I have been experiencing it so that's probably our culprit. Whew.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
September Visit
Today was our every-4-week visit and the first with a doctor. I liked him because he was down to earth. He gave us the results of our NT scan, listened to the heartbeat, answered a few questions, and sent us on our way. When we were at the NT scan they told us everything looked ok, but with my blood work added in, the chances of several various chromosomal disorders are very low. They can never be zero from this test, but I was happy to hear that the odds are low, especially since our first miscarriage was the result of a chromosomal abnormality. One more milestone down!
Friday, August 24, 2012
NT Scan
We went for the NT scan today, and everything looks good on the screen. They checked the brain and all the body parts to see if they were developing normally as well as the nuchal fold size for a couple things. There is a bloodwork component that we wait on, but so far it looks ok!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Trip to the ER
Yesterday was extremely confusing.
It was my first day with students. Therefore, I was up and about and being a normal person. It wasn't hurting me, I felt good, I just did my thing. I know that I do walk with more of a purpose when I'm working with 25 kids in the room or popping in somewhere to grab something in the 3 minutes between classes. But it's not like I was running a marathon or lifting weights! So I was surprised to go to the bathroom and realize the red was back.
I called the doctor's office and SURPRISE got through to someone without having to leave a message. I pushed the button for "If you're an OB patient with a question" and someone said "Hello?" I was shocked. So ALL I DID was ask that if the red was going to be par for the course now that I was up and about as opposed to lounging around all the time. She immediately told me I was going to need a Rhogam shot. I thought that was only a post-pregnancy thing, so I told her I had one after my D&C and she said I'd need another one. Plus an u/s. I wasn't really concerned about getting an u/s since I have one on Friday, but whatever. She said she'd ask and call me back.
She called back a couple minutes later and said they wanted to see me for the shot and a doppler listen rather than an u/s. When I told her I could be there around 5, she said that wouldn't work because the nurses leave at 4. (I couldn't have told you the nurse schedule, but I knew for a fact that I have an evening appointment in a couple weeks, so SOMEONE is there at 5!) "But," she said, "The Rhogam shot has to be done through L&D anyway, so just tell them we sent you and that they should do a doppler listen as well." Ok. I clarified where Labor & Delivery was since I've never actually been there, and I was good to go. (It should be noted that a friend who is in-the-know was nearby when the call happened and she remembers it the same way.)
Went home, waited a few minutes for my husband to get home, and off we went. We show up at L&D and the front desk is perplexed and confused. She makes a call to someone, they are perplexed and confused. That someone (who I wrongly thought was the doc's office and was in fact a nurse on the L&D floor) came to get me and said I had to go to the ER. WHY!?! I asked why I would need a Rhogam shot and she said well if you're having a m/c, then you need one. I DIDN'T THINK I WAS HAVING ONE BUT NOW YOU ARE STRESSING ME OUT.
So, long story shorter, we eventually got seen (after my friend was kind enough to bring me my laptop so I could get homework done ... the last time we were in the ER it was 14 hours, so I had to write sub plans just in case) and the doctor and nurse weren't sure why I was there either. The doc did a quick u/s, noticed everything was fine, called my OB practice, they apologized profusely for the confusion, said yes I needed a Rhogam shot because I was bleeding, did that, and sent me on my way.
Various medical professionals have known for a MONTH that I was bleeding. Why did I all of a sudden need emergency Rhogam TODAY!? And still nobody answered my "Is this par for the course because I'm walking around?" question.
I'm still confused.
It was my first day with students. Therefore, I was up and about and being a normal person. It wasn't hurting me, I felt good, I just did my thing. I know that I do walk with more of a purpose when I'm working with 25 kids in the room or popping in somewhere to grab something in the 3 minutes between classes. But it's not like I was running a marathon or lifting weights! So I was surprised to go to the bathroom and realize the red was back.
I called the doctor's office and SURPRISE got through to someone without having to leave a message. I pushed the button for "If you're an OB patient with a question" and someone said "Hello?" I was shocked. So ALL I DID was ask that if the red was going to be par for the course now that I was up and about as opposed to lounging around all the time. She immediately told me I was going to need a Rhogam shot. I thought that was only a post-pregnancy thing, so I told her I had one after my D&C and she said I'd need another one. Plus an u/s. I wasn't really concerned about getting an u/s since I have one on Friday, but whatever. She said she'd ask and call me back.
She called back a couple minutes later and said they wanted to see me for the shot and a doppler listen rather than an u/s. When I told her I could be there around 5, she said that wouldn't work because the nurses leave at 4. (I couldn't have told you the nurse schedule, but I knew for a fact that I have an evening appointment in a couple weeks, so SOMEONE is there at 5!) "But," she said, "The Rhogam shot has to be done through L&D anyway, so just tell them we sent you and that they should do a doppler listen as well." Ok. I clarified where Labor & Delivery was since I've never actually been there, and I was good to go. (It should be noted that a friend who is in-the-know was nearby when the call happened and she remembers it the same way.)
Went home, waited a few minutes for my husband to get home, and off we went. We show up at L&D and the front desk is perplexed and confused. She makes a call to someone, they are perplexed and confused. That someone (who I wrongly thought was the doc's office and was in fact a nurse on the L&D floor) came to get me and said I had to go to the ER. WHY!?! I asked why I would need a Rhogam shot and she said well if you're having a m/c, then you need one. I DIDN'T THINK I WAS HAVING ONE BUT NOW YOU ARE STRESSING ME OUT.
So, long story shorter, we eventually got seen (after my friend was kind enough to bring me my laptop so I could get homework done ... the last time we were in the ER it was 14 hours, so I had to write sub plans just in case) and the doctor and nurse weren't sure why I was there either. The doc did a quick u/s, noticed everything was fine, called my OB practice, they apologized profusely for the confusion, said yes I needed a Rhogam shot because I was bleeding, did that, and sent me on my way.
Various medical professionals have known for a MONTH that I was bleeding. Why did I all of a sudden need emergency Rhogam TODAY!? And still nobody answered my "Is this par for the course because I'm walking around?" question.
I'm still confused.
Friday, August 10, 2012
10 weeks and Scared Out Of My Mind
Today is 10 weeks. I should be over the moon! I am past my previous milestone date and today's the last day of all my IVF medications. No more progesterone, no more estrogen, no more baby asprin! The end of the IVF road, the day where I turn into a "regular" pregnant person. But my SCH spotting (or at least what I hope is SCH spotting) has been pretty active since yesterday. I had red 3 times in 2 days. (Not heavy, but hadn't had red in awhile.) For weeks I've been wanting this day to come because I was going to be so excited and happy! Instead, I'm scared to death that something is wrong. Since the last u/s at the RE (2 weeks ago) showed that my SCH was very small, the OB wasn't concerned with the fact that I was still spotting. But I hate it. If I hadn't had a missed m/c before maybe I wouldn't be as scared. But I am. And I hate it.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
First OB Appointment
One more step today on the road to becoming a regular pregnant person. We had the intake appointment at the regular OB office. This is the office I visit for all of my regular things and I have been through an early pregnancy and miscarriage with them, so I was not expecting to leave there feeling like crap. But I did.
The office has both midwives and doctors that are available for the OB journey. Due to all my other issues, I choose the doctor route. A good friend of mine has used the midwives twice and had good experiences, and if pregnancy was the only thing going on in my body maybe that's what I would do. But alas, I feel the doctors are the path for me. However, a Dr's (billable) time is more valuable, so a midwife does the intake appointment. I have met a couple in the past and it's been fine. But I left feeling really deflated due to comments she made.
Very early on, she made a comment about religion and IVF. I know in my rational brain that she was certifying that I wouldn't refuse a blood transfusion or anything like that due to religious beliefs, but it sat with me the wrong way and came out sounding very anti-IVF. She also made a comment about how if I can survive a kidney stone, I could do labor on my own which came out very judgmental of those who choose drugs. And while I know it's a doctor's job to be pro nursing and anti formula, I thought it was a little premature to deal with that lecture too. While I know that it's best, I know what it's like to live with fibromyalgia. And I know that lack of REM sleep makes me completely useless to the universe. So I am going to have to see how it plays out. If there's a way to let me sleep 4 hours instead of 2, and keep me able to function, then I might have to take it.
One of the most painful things is that she was very flippant about my chemical pregnancy. That is one of my biggest anger triggers. In fact I just had a phone conversation with my mother that triggered me too. My mother's issue is that she had never heard the term before. So what? So that makes it not real? I knew I was pregnant for 6 days. A blood test at the doctor's office confirmed it. Then a second blood test showed lowering numbers instead of doubling numbers, confirming that my body was going to fight it and not let it continue. How is that not real? Sure, I never saw the baby on an ultrasound like I did with the first and third pregnancies, but it was still real. It's still a baby that we don't have. Anyway, so the midwife asked how I knew that I had a CP or was it possible that I was just late with my cycle. Seriously? Like I'm going to make that up in a 35 month journey to attempt pregnancy? Sigh.
Finally, she was completely non bothered by my continuted SCH spotting. I was hoping that they'd want to check the size to make sure it was still small, since I have had red a couple times since the u/s that showed it was almost gone. She said I could honestly spot for a long, long, time. But my research has shown me that the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it could possibly turn out to be. She said I didn't have to follow the red=bed rule that S.G. suggested. The docs there said we want to avoid red at all costs and to listen to my body, figure out what causes it, and don't do those things. Midwife just kept saying "We can't prevent it. If your body is going to miscarry, it's going to miscarry." I told her that for my mental state, I really wanted to make it to tomorrow (which is now today) because that was my milestone date for my first loss. Her response was "Well, I tell people they can't really stop worrying until 12 weeks." What? Way to rain on my parade, lady.
So yeah, I left deflated.
The office has both midwives and doctors that are available for the OB journey. Due to all my other issues, I choose the doctor route. A good friend of mine has used the midwives twice and had good experiences, and if pregnancy was the only thing going on in my body maybe that's what I would do. But alas, I feel the doctors are the path for me. However, a Dr's (billable) time is more valuable, so a midwife does the intake appointment. I have met a couple in the past and it's been fine. But I left feeling really deflated due to comments she made.
Very early on, she made a comment about religion and IVF. I know in my rational brain that she was certifying that I wouldn't refuse a blood transfusion or anything like that due to religious beliefs, but it sat with me the wrong way and came out sounding very anti-IVF. She also made a comment about how if I can survive a kidney stone, I could do labor on my own which came out very judgmental of those who choose drugs. And while I know it's a doctor's job to be pro nursing and anti formula, I thought it was a little premature to deal with that lecture too. While I know that it's best, I know what it's like to live with fibromyalgia. And I know that lack of REM sleep makes me completely useless to the universe. So I am going to have to see how it plays out. If there's a way to let me sleep 4 hours instead of 2, and keep me able to function, then I might have to take it.
One of the most painful things is that she was very flippant about my chemical pregnancy. That is one of my biggest anger triggers. In fact I just had a phone conversation with my mother that triggered me too. My mother's issue is that she had never heard the term before. So what? So that makes it not real? I knew I was pregnant for 6 days. A blood test at the doctor's office confirmed it. Then a second blood test showed lowering numbers instead of doubling numbers, confirming that my body was going to fight it and not let it continue. How is that not real? Sure, I never saw the baby on an ultrasound like I did with the first and third pregnancies, but it was still real. It's still a baby that we don't have. Anyway, so the midwife asked how I knew that I had a CP or was it possible that I was just late with my cycle. Seriously? Like I'm going to make that up in a 35 month journey to attempt pregnancy? Sigh.
Finally, she was completely non bothered by my continuted SCH spotting. I was hoping that they'd want to check the size to make sure it was still small, since I have had red a couple times since the u/s that showed it was almost gone. She said I could honestly spot for a long, long, time. But my research has shown me that the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it could possibly turn out to be. She said I didn't have to follow the red=bed rule that S.G. suggested. The docs there said we want to avoid red at all costs and to listen to my body, figure out what causes it, and don't do those things. Midwife just kept saying "We can't prevent it. If your body is going to miscarry, it's going to miscarry." I told her that for my mental state, I really wanted to make it to tomorrow (which is now today) because that was my milestone date for my first loss. Her response was "Well, I tell people they can't really stop worrying until 12 weeks." What? Way to rain on my parade, lady.
So yeah, I left deflated.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Exhausted
I'm exhausted. I'm tired of bleeding. No, it's not dark red everyday, but it's there. Every day. Today I had an extra odd occurrence. I don't know if it was part of the bleeding/spotting or if it had something to do with my pee, but when I went to the bathroom a couple times this morning I smelled sugar. Super smell. It was odd. Hopefully it wasn't a problem, but it was only for a little while. I think it was part of the spotting because it was different today, but I don't know what would have caused it. Google is no help, not that Googling is a good idea. Ever. :)
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