It's Gone

I went to the bathroom on my way out of work today, and I was bleeding.  I immediately called Mike & told him to meet me at the hospital.  Then I called the Dr while I drove.  They told me to go home, put my feet up, and call them with a bleeding update soon.

I was a complete bitch to the person on the phone at the Dr's.  I'm usually fine deferring to Dr's because they have a lot of knowledge.  But it was bad.  I didn't want to go home.

It worked, because I had an appointment 45 minutes later.  Mike met me there, we met the u/s tech, and had a scan.

The tech wasn't legally allowed to say anything to us.  However, she was silent and not speaking.  Then she started tearing up.  Then she turned on the color on the ultrasound machine.  Last time, just 2 weeks ago, when they turned on the color, the baby lit up like fireworks and we could see the heart beating with the color changes.  Today, there was no color so we knew.  I asked for a picture.  She said a couple times that she wasn't allowed to say anything, so I just said, "I am sure there are more fun parts of your job."  She replied, "This is certainly the hardest part" and handed us the tissues.  So I appreciate that while she wasn't allowed to officially read us the ultrasound, she didn't pretend we were dumb.

Then we went upstairs and the doctor told us the official news.  I had the option of waiting for days or weeks until my body takes care of it on its own, or I can have a d&c to take care of it.  I opted for the surgery so we can start moving on, at least physically.

As horrible as this is, I am thankful for the following:
-I had driven alone to work today because I was supposed to have class, so I was able to speed down 95 right to the hospital as soon as I knew I was bleeding 
-The nurse at the office dealing with my bitchiness and getting me an appointment right then.  My bleeding stopped, so if I had gone home I would have gotten false hope.
-The tech was kind to us
-The doctor that I like just happened to be the one working late, and just happens to be the one on the schedule for tomorrow's surgery