Relief

I have never been more shocked at my body than I was this morning. We got to the doctor's office, and amazingly there was nobody there and they took us right away. They know I'm looney and a little high anxiety due to my 2 losses, and they are very good to me! I explained what was going on, and the weird pressure I had last night that I thought was just exhaustion after standing up and teaching a professional development all day. She took notes, and started the ultrasound. As soon as the grainy, blurry blob showed up on the screen she said the best 4 words on Earth, "Well, there's the heartbeat!" The baby is still measuring exactly to the day of the Rescue ICSI. The heartbeat is exactly where it needs to be. I cried. I couldn't believe it. Something ELSE went our way. How is it possible that this keeps happening?!? She found the bleed on the screen. I guess (from how she explained it) the sac can pull away from the wall and cause a little bleeding. Some people absorb it and go on with their lives and never know, some people bleed. I'm in the half that has to panic. :) She said what is in there is small, but that it could still bleed. I asked if she meant little leaking like this morning (It honestly wasn't much this morning, it was just the color that terrified me!) and she said it can be so heavy that it saturates your clothes with no warning.

So, I've got that to maybe look forward to? Ugh. But I'm told not to panic. I'm working on that. :)

So many things went our way today, not just the results.

#1 - My husband was home when I woke up bleeding. He's usually at work by then, and 45 minutes away. Because he had to be home to wait for the pest guy to visit, he was here and managed my insanity while also dealing with his own fear. He's the best!

#2 - I'm supposed to be at a relatively important thing at work today, but there's another session next week so it's manageable that I'm home on the couch with my feet up until it stops. If this had happened in a few weeks, it would have been much harder to deal with.

#3 - I was getting up early because I couldn't sleep, so I had plenty of time to shower and get to the office during morning time.

#4 - My RE office was empty today, a rarity. That enabled them to calm our fears that much sooner.