Stims Day 10 - Bad News

I just got a horrible, horrible, phone call. Every day, the nurse calls with my results from monitoring. However, today, the doctor called. That put the hairs on my neck up as soon as I heard his voice. He opened with “Did you take your medicine yesterday?” (Flashback to sitting outside the Hippodrome.) I assured him I did, although it was a little early. Apparently my numbers went DOWN instead of up like they are supposed to. This isn’t good. It can be a sign of a cycle that isn’t going to work. If the numbers don’t go up tomorrow, we’re in danger of having to start all over again. I don’t know what this would mean insurance-wise and money wise. Since I didn’t get to the surgery yet, I’m thinking it wouldn’t count as a cycle, but I don’t know. I’m so scared. They upped my meds so that now I’m taking 4 of each tablet (2 shots) plus the morning suppression shot. On top of everything, we got a pregnancy announcement from friends today. I am very happy for them, but it was like digging the knife in deeper because it came less than an hour after the doctor called with the bad news and it seems like everyone is fertile except for me. I feel like I am going to be sick. I hate this. Hate hate hate. I guess if I had to pick a silver lining, it’d be that now I’m guaranteed to be able to work the last 2 days of professional day stuff and do my presentation. But that’s a lousy silver lining. L